I Don't Do Sadness

9 Oct 2009

The opening stage direction and monologue from my play The Food

Curtain opens. Dim lighting.

Center stage at one table is BUTTER, SANDWICH, and TOMATO. Stage left a little bit is WATER. Down stage right and totally secluded from the other tenants of the fridge is LEFTOVERS. Downstage left is a stand or easel that holds the three “day cards” that should be readable from the audience. The three days do not matter as long as they are consecutive, but for the sake of the script, the three days will be MONDAY, TUESDAY, and WEDNESDAY

All actors onstage at the start of the show should be seated at black tables that do not allow feet to be seen and have enough room under them for the actors to sit comfortably once their character has been eaten. There should be no standing unless noted. The actors will have to depend on the body language of the upper half of their body to convey their lines. The actors should also be dressed in all black (though a covering for hair is not necessary with the exception of LEFTOVERS whose head is wrapped in tinfoil).

In front of each actor is a food item that corresponds to the actor’s character. BUTTER has an unopened stick of butter. SANDWICH has a sandwich (the insides of which don’t matter, except it must lack tomatoes and butter). TOMATO has an untouched, but slightly old-looking tomato. WATER has a plastic water bottle of whatever brand is most convenient the prop master. LEFTOVERS has a Styrofoam plate wrapped in tinfoil, the contents of which are not known to the audience.

LEFTOVERS is referred to as a “he” in the script, but the gender of the character is completely up to the director.

If wanted, more food products can be placed around the stage to involve a larger cast so long as when the curtains close, there are no actors still visible on stage.

When one actor is addressing the audience, all other actors should have their heads down.

When the curtain is fully open, the actors should show no emotion or do any movements with their heads down for 15-30 seconds, allowing the audience to digest the image.

And then:

SANDWICH (To audience): I have now spent three days in the fridge. I feel like I was meant to be eaten the moment I was made, but my creator was drawn away by something. Maybe a friend showed up with a box of pizza. Or maybe He saved me for later and then forgot I was ever brought into existence. Now that I have been here so long I don’t ever want to leave. The temperature’s nice and the neighbors are friendly, except Leftovers of course. Ever since whatever he is got back he’s barely said two words to any of us. But Butter and Tomato are as friendly as one could hope for. Water, who just moved in, is nice enough, but he’s rather wordy and opinionated. He always talks about reincarnation, which I don’t believe in. We all have one true creator, and I will always trust in Him. If I am to leave the fridge, then I know only a better future will await me.